Dial L for Loser Read online

  Massie turned on her phone. She had fifteen messages. And they were all from Merri-Lee Marvil’s show producers.

  “My mom wants you and Alicia to be The Daily Grind’s behind-the-scenes reporters. You know, for Dial L.”

  Alicia gasped.

  “Dylan, do I look like a video game?” Massie asked.

  “No.” Dylan smiled in anticipation.

  “Then why are you playing me?”

  “I’m serious. Your parents said it was okay.” Dylan reached her hand in the cereal box.

  “Surprise!” Judi and Kendra shouted.

  “You knew about this?” Massie asked.

  They nodded with pride.

  “Didn’t you wonder where my luggage was?” Kendra asked.

  “No,” Massie sneered. “I assumed it was with the luggage guy.”

  “Well, it’s not!” Judi gushed. “You’re staying. We all are!”

  “Now that that’s over…” Kendra stood. “We’re going to grab some coffee downstairs.” She blew her daughter a kiss on her way out. “Congratulations, sweetie.”

  “’Kay.” Massie was obviously still absorbing the news.

  Dylan inched closer to the camera. Her face filled the entire screen. “Every morning you’ll go live from a different location on the Dial L set—you know, to give people a behind-the-scenes report.”

  “You can even interview the stars,” Kristen added.

  “Ehmagawd!” Alicia hugged Massie. “This is even better than my old reporting job at OCD!”

  Massie remained calm. “Why is your mom doing this?”

  “Because it’s the first time a major Hollywood movie has cast a lead with no experience. So she wants to do a whole Amateur’s Week–type thing.”

  “What do you mean, ‘no experience’?” A sinister grin appeared on Massie’s face.

  Claire rolled her eyes.

  “They’re even giving you an expense account and your own camera crew.” Kristen sounded distant, even a little sad. “You’re going to have so much fun.”

  “Dial Y for Yay!” Alicia shouted, obviously not caring that it sounded totally stupid.

  “Wait, how did you know we didn’t get the part in the movie?” Massie paced. “I didn’t tell anyone.”

  “Me either.” Alicia glared at Claire.

  “Claire left a message for Cam and he—”

  “Aha!” Massie cut Kristen off. “You just couldn’t wait to rub it in, could you?” Her amber eyes practically seared a hole through Claire’s skull.

  “I wanted to tell him I wouldn’t be coming home for a while. I wasn’t trying to—”

  “We would have known anyway,” Kristen said. “It’s all over the news. The press thinks it’s a big deal that Rupert cast a nobody.”

  “Can everyone please stop saying that word?” Claire heard herself shout.

  “Would you prefer loser?” Massie asked.

  Claire covered her face with a satin pillow.

  “Let’s do it! Let’s stay. Come awn, Mass!”

  Massie tapped her chin. “Hmmmmm.”

  “Come awn!” Alicia whined.

  The room was silent.

  “Please?”

  “O-kkkayyyyy,” Massie said.

  Bean barked.

  “Pack your bags, puppy,” Massie cooed. “You’re coming to Hollywood.”

  Bean barked again.

  “No fair,” Kristen whimpered.

  “I know,” Dylan moaned.

  “Yayyyyyy!” Alicia shouted.

  Massie yanked the pillow off Claire’s face.

  “Happy now? You got your wish. We’re staying.”

  Claire chomped down on her last Red Vine, vowing she’d never ever wish for anything again.

  GELDING STUDIOS

  MAKEUP TRAILER B

  Wednesday, March 18th

  6:01 A.M.

  A beauty buffet of hair and makeup products by MAC, Nars, Chanel, Benefit, Hard Candy, Tarte, Dior, Dessert, and Paul Mitchell surrounded Massie and Alicia. They were seated in directors’ chairs facing a mirror that was lit by round bulbs, getting their faces put on for their first appearance on The Daily Grind.

  “Is there any way this trailer could be moved to our hotel?” Massie asked Gina, their makeup artist.

  “Seriously.” Alicia blew on her vanilla steamer. “We had to wake up at five a.m. to get here on time. And no one looks good at five a.m. Not even us.” She giggled.

  “That’s what I’m here for.” Gina unscrewed a tube of Nars lip gloss. “Close,” she told Massie.

  “Whoever came up with this whole time-difference thing is D2M,” Massie murmured. “When Merri-Lee asked us to be on her show at nine-thirty a.m., did she realize it would be six-thirty a.m. here?”

  “Stop talking!” Gina snapped. “How do you expect me to gloss you when your lips are moving?”

  “Mmm-mmm,” Massie apologized to the petite blonde. But seriously, how could she be expected to look and feel her best at this ungawdly hour? Of all the times she’d imagined addressing the nation on live TV—and there had been many—never once had Massie pictured herself with dark circles under her eyes (or sharing the spotlight with Alicia!). But for a first-time gig, Hollywood correspondent for The Daily Grind wasn’t bad. At least that was what Massie told herself when she looked out the window and saw Claire and Abby laughing their way out of a stretch limo.

  Massie leaned into her reflection. “Do you think I look like Jennifer Ho-pez with all this makeup caked on my face?”

  “I didn’t cake it on.” Gina dusted Massie’s lids. “Besides, this is TV, not prom. If your makeup isn’t dark, the lights on the camera will wash you out and you’ll look anemic.”

  “Given,” Alicia agreed with Gina. “I did the news at my old school. I know all about that whole dark-makeup thing.”

  “You were on the PA system,” Massie snapped.

  “I still had to wear makeup.”

  “Where? On your tonsils?”

  Gina cranked the volume on her iPod. Groovy lounge music flowed out of her portable speakers and Alicia made a peace sign and swayed like a hippie. Massie burst out laughing. So what if her makeup was cakey? This was better than sitting in Westchester waiting for some stupid board meeting.

  “Are you nervous?” Alicia asked.

  “Me? Not at all. You?”

  “Nope.” Alicia shook her head one too many times. “I was born to anchor. I can’t wait.” She pushed up the sleeves on her navy blue RL blazer. “Why, are you?”

  “Nope.” Massie wiped her clammy hands on the canvas seat below her butt.

  “Do you think Ralph Lauren will give us clothes, you know, now that we’re going to be famous too?” Alicia cemented her blowout with a blast of Paul Mitchell Freeze and Shine Super Spray.

  “Ew, do you really want to wear Ralph if Claire is?”

  “Hold still!” Gina gripped Massie’s jaw and repositioned her face.

  “Point.” Alicia sighed.

  Someone pounded the outside of the trailer door. “Special delivery for Miss Maysee Block.”

  A stocky man in brown shorts and a brown starchy shirt stepped into the trailer. He was carrying a crate with American Airlines stickers all over it.

  “Bean!” Massie grabbed the crate and opened the gate. The black puppy ran around in small circles and then jumped into her open arms.

  “Sign.” The delivery guy shoved a clipboard in front of Massie’s face and handed her a chewed Bic pen.

  “Can we please finish up here?” Gina held a mascara wand above Massie’s lashes. “You know you’re going live in, like, ten minutes, right?”

  Massie nodded.

  “And you know I have to finish your eyes, right?”

  All of a sudden, the realization of what she was about to do hit her. Hard. In less than ten minutes Massie would be addressing millions of viewers, whether she was ready to or not. The only direction Merri-Lee had given her was “Act natural.” There were no lines to learn or mark
s to hit. All they had to do was chat with the stars and show the viewers at home some of the cool behind-the-scenes action.

  “It’ll be easy,” Merri-Lee promised. “Just like talking to your friends.”

  Massie reached into the pocket of the new Frankie B. jeans and clutched her lucky cell phone. Bean was on her lap, her best friend was at her side, and a professional was applying her makeup.

  She was ready for her close-up. Not that she had a choice.

  GELDING STUDIOS

  THE DIAL L FOR LOSER SOUNDSTAGE

  LAKEVIEW MIDDLE SCHOOL SET

  Wednesday, March 18th

  6:20 A.M.

  “Now remember,” instructed Hal, the Daily Grind producer assigned to Massie and Alicia. “When I count you in I’ll say, ‘In three, two,’ and then I’ll point. I won’t say ‘one.’”

  Massie did her best to concentrate, but Hal’s overly hairy arms were making it difficult. The least he could have done was worn long sleeves.

  “So you’re saying we won’t hair you say ‘one.’” Massie fought her quivering lips.

  Alicia burst out laughing.

  “Exactly.” Hal smiled. “And when it’s time for you to wrap up, I’ll twirl my finger in the air like this.” His index finger made several rotations.

  “You’ll twirl your finger in the hair,” Alicia smirked. “Got it.”

  “Now remember, this is live. There are no do-overs.”

  “’Kay.” Massie wondered if she should have worn a dress instead of her beige Lauren Moffat Bermuda shorts and a colorful knit Mossimo cami. Her outfit was great, but was it TV-great or just school-great? She would have to speak to Merri-Lee about hiring a wardrobe person. Poor Alicia had changed nine times before settling on a pair of skinny Paige jeans and a yellow-and-orange Charlotte Ronson ruffle top.

  “Okay, girls.” Hal rubbed the thick patches of black stubble on his cheeks. “Two minutes. Let’s get you in position.”

  Massie’s stomach lurched.

  “Let’s have you standing in front of the classroom.” Hal opened the door, revealing the chaos and clutter backstage. He turned to the cameraman. “Jimmy, give me plenty of behind-the-scenes action, but don’t forget to cover the school set. I want both.”

  “Copy that.” Jimmy hoisted the camera onto his shoulder.

  Massie’s stomach lurched again. This was really happening.

  “Girls, do you want to go over the script one last time?” Hal asked.

  Massie took in a deep breath. “Sure.” She exhaled slowly. “First we thank Merri-Lee; then we introduce ourselves and tell everyone where we are.”

  “Then we talk about the movie and how we’ll be live from the set all week interviewing the stars and spreading tons of behind-the-scenes gossip,” Alicia added.

  “After that, we say goodbye to Merri-Lee, who is back in New York, and tell her we’ll see her tomorrow.” Massie rolled her shoulders. “Done, done, and done.”

  “Perfect.” Hal gave Jimmy the thumbs-up. “We’re all set. You’re a couple of naturals.”

  “I used to do this all the time for my school.” Alicia fluffed the ruffles on her shirt.

  “And I’m just a natural.” Massie spit her gum onto her script and tossed them both in the trash.

  “Okay, then,” Hal said to his stopwatch. “Have great show, everyone.”

  Alicia grabbed Massie’s wrist with her clammy hand.

  “Ew!” Massie wiped her arm on Alicia’s jeans.

  “Get away!” Alicia jumped back.

  Massie giggled, but it sounded like it was coming from someone else. The back of her neck started to sweat, and she felt strangely detached from her body—like she was watching herself on iSight.

  “Ready?” Hal handed them each a Daily Grind microphone. They were heavier than they looked, and Massie’s mic kept sliding through her sweaty palms. She tightened her grip and shifted her weight to her right foot. Then her left. Then her—

  “Here we go!” Hal shouted like they were preparing to jump out of an airplane. “We’re live in three… two…” He shook his pointer finger as if it were covered in sticky boogers.

  The red light on top of Jimmy’s camera popped on.

  Alicia burst out laughing.

  Massie begged her mouth to speak. But it refused. Merri-Lee had lied. The black lens of the camera looked nothing like her friends. It was more like an angry, soul-sucking cyclops that glared at her expectantly and said, “I’m bored. Entertain me. Come on. Do it. I dare you. Do it. Entertain me. Do it. Do it. Now!”

  “Say something,” urged Hal. “We’re live.”

  Alicia laughed harder.

  “Talk about the movie,” he pleaded. “Please!”

  Alicia doubled over in hysterics, and two tears streamed down her face.

  “The movie!”

  Massie could hear him; she just couldn’t respond. It was like her entire body had been Botoxed.

  Hal waved at someone backstage, silently begging the person to come over.

  Massie wanted to turn her head to see who it was, but the scared-stiff thing was still happening.

  “Hey, guys.” Claire squeezed between Massie and Alicia.

  “Say something.” Hal immediately tossed her a microphone. Claire caught it and smiled confidently. She smelled like fruity hair spray and peppermint ChapStick.

  “Hey, I’m Claire Lyons and I’m standing on the set of Dial L for Loser. My friends Massie and Alicia were just demonstrating what a real loser would act like: Hope you didn’t think they were serious.” She winked at the camera.

  Hal gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up.

  And just like that, Massie reentered her body. She wasn’t about to stand there and watch Claire hijack her chance at fame a second time.

  “Ehmagawd!” Massie rubbed her lips together to make sure they were still glossed before continuing. “Give the audience some credit, Kuh-laire. They’re not stupid. They knew we were joking.” She elbowed Alicia in the ribs. “Right?”

  “Given.” Alicia wiped her mascara-stained cheeks.

  From that moment on, Massie imagined she was speaking to Dylan and Kristen. And just as Merri-Lee had suggested, the words came. “We’re standing in the ‘halls’ of ‘Lakeview Middle School,’ where—”

  Alicia cut her off. “Well, they’re not really halls. This whole thing is a set. It’s fake.”

  “Claire Lyons to wardrobe. Claire Lyons to wardrobe,” a voice boomed over the loudspeaker.

  “That’s me.” Claire beamed. “Hey.” She looked straight into the camera. “Wanna check out the wardrobe room?”

  Jim moved the camera up and down like it was nodding. Claire giggled. “Follow me.”

  Massie stepped in front of her. “Right this way.” She guided the audience through a maze of lights and wires. “We are now ‘behind the scenes.’” Her use of air quotes made the producer smile. She was back! “And if you’re lucky, we’ll see Conner Foley or Abby Boyd walking around. I hung out with them the other day and they promised me an interview later in the week, so make sure you stay tuned for that.”

  Finally, Massie got a thumbs-up of her own. How could she have been so nervous? This hosting thing was easy. Dial V for VJ!

  “Well, I’m here with one of the stars right now.” Alicia grabbed Claire’s arm. “She will be playing Molly, the loser. You should see her. She’s a real natural. Isn’t that right?”

  “Uh, I wouldn’t say that.” Claire smiled. “Our first day of shooting is today, so we’ll see.”

  Massie quickened her pace, hoping Alicia and Claire would fall out of the frame. But Claire kept talking and the camera stayed on her.

  “Here we are outside the wardrobe room.” She pointed to the denim W and the denim R that Ahnna had tacked to the center of the door. “It’s time for me to change into my Lakeview Middle School uniform.” Claire reached for the handle and noticed a shiny silver box at her feet. “What’s this?” It had a red ribbon tied around it and a card with her
name on it. She looked around, obviously wondering if this was some sort of prank. “Should I open it now?” Claire asked the camera.

  “Let’s not forget, this is The Daily Grind, not The Claire Lyons Show.” Massie did her best to sound playful.

  The producer checked his stopwatch. “Open it,” he whispered.

  Claire shrugged, then tore the wrapping. “Oops, I should probably read the card first.” She giggled.

  Random crew members gathered, smiling expectantly.

  “‘To Claire,’” she read. “‘Welcome to Hollywood! Love, the cast and crew of Dial L for Loser.’” Her hand was on her heart, as though she was so touched, she could cry at any moment.

  Puh-lease!

  “Ehmagawd!” Claire shouted once the last bits of wrapping paper were on the ground.

  Massie gasped. “Ehmagawd” was her expression.

  “How ahdorable!” Claire held up the gift. It was a special-edition Dial L for Loser Motorola. The whole thing was covered in red rhinestones, except for the back, which said CLAIRE in tiny pearls. Inside, the number-five key, the one with the letter L on it, was made of gold. “This is ah-mazing! Thank you!”

  “She can act,” Massie whispered to Alicia. “Like us!”

  “Seriously!”

  The crew applauded and the camera whipped around to capture the sentimental moment.

  “Dial P for Phony,” Massie whispered to Alicia.

  Hal started circling his finger, and Massie remembered that gesture from the first grade; it meant “whoop-dee-doo!” He ahb-viously thought Claire was showing off too.

  “Okay, so, getting back to the tour,” Massie addressed the camera, which finally panned back onto her. “I’m going to take you inside the wardrobe room for an exclusive look at the costumes. There are at least a thousand pairs of shoes in there.”

  The producer kept doing that thing with his finger.

  Massie ignored him while opening the door to the wardrobe room and practically knocking Ahnna to the ground.

  “Oh, hi, Ahnna.” Alicia nudged Massie out of the way.

  “You can’t come in here.” Stella held her clipboard in front of her face. “This is a cast-only room.”

  Massie turned to the producer and gave him a “fix this!” glare.