Cliquetionary: The Wit and Wisdom of the Clique Read online

  Favorite game: Soccer.

  What’s your style: Feminine-sporty.

  Designers you’re currently wearing: Chip & Pepper, Diesel, Joie, Vince.

  Favorite store: Massie’s closet ☺

  Characteristics: A) I heart crosswords and B) think in multiple choice. C) I play to win.

  Biggest secret(s): Alpha of the ultra-secret Witty Committee. Oh, and I change my clothes in Massie’s Range Rover. And . . . um . . . uh . . . well, I guess everyone pretty much knows I’m poor by now.

  Name: Claire Lyons

  (aka Kuh-laire ☹)

  Screen name: CLAIREBEAR Favorite pet: My younger brother, Todd.

  First lip kiss: A couple random ones back home in Orlando, just spin-the-bottle types. But since I moved to Westchester . . . Cam Fisher at Lake Placid.

  Now tell the truth: Well, technically it was Josh Hotz in the seventh grade, but that was a huge mistake. I don’t even count it.

  Guilty pleasure(s): Gummy feet, gummy worms, and sours.

  Best friend(s): Massie Block and Layne Abeley. It’s okay—the Pretty Committee knows, and they’re okay with it.

  Best known for: Keds.

  Pet peeve(s): Having to choose between friends, having to choose between friends and crushes, having to choose, period! Oh, and my brother, Todd.

  Favorite designer(s): Gap. Or Nurse Adele’s lost-and-found.

  Dream job: Photographer.

  Favorite expressions: Anything Massie says is pretty funny, unless it’s about my clothes, bangs, or shoes. If it is, I pretend I didn’t hear it. Layne told me to do that. Thanks, Layne. ☺

  What’s your style: Casual-comfy.

  Designers you’re currently wearing: C&C, Juicy Couture, Velvet, Splendid.

  Current crush: Cam Fisher . . . and his green eye (no offense, blue eye).

  Secret quirk: I make wishes when lizards run past my toes.

  CLIQUE QUOTES

  STATE OF THE UNION

  IN OUT

  Words of wisdom from the Clique Thinking, for even a minute, that you know better

  THE CLIQUE ON BEAUTY

  “No one loves inner beauty more than unattractive wannabes.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Alicia’s face is so perfect, it hurts to focus on it for more than a few seconds at a time. It’s like looking straight into one of the UV bulbs at Sun of a Beach tanning salon.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Ugly people should stay indoors.”

  ~MASSIE

  “People are most radiant when they let their inner beauty shine through.”

  ~ANASTASIA BREES,

  FOUNDER AND CEO OF BE PRETTY COSMETICS

  “Your beauty has to seem effortless, or people won’t be as awestruck.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Always add a third coat of Clarins SPF 30. The first two protect your fair skin from the sun’s harmful rays. The third keeps the poll-ew-tion out.”

  ~KRISTEN

  “Without my lip gloss’s shiny protective shield, I feel vulnerable.”

  ~MASSIE

  “What is it about sexy blondes and their lack of gas?”

  ~DYLAN

  “Gawd! If the game Rock, Paper, Scissors were real life, it would be Brains, Beauty, Brawn. And Beauty would beat Brains and Brawn every time.”

  ~KRISTEN

  “No one hates blondes.”

  ~MASSIE

  THE CLIQUE ON BOYS

  “When a guy gives a girl a lot of gifts, he’s hiding something.”

  ~MASSIE

  “My guys like a little junk in the trunk. And who am I to deny them?”

  ~DYLAN

  “A girl shouldn’t eat in front of her crush until they’re married. It’s a turn-awff.”

  ~ALICIA

  “Interacting with boys in person is a billion times more nerve-wracking than e-mailing them after school.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Two dates is the new one date.”

  ~DYLAN

  “Make him come to you. It’s less pathetic.”

  ~ALICIA

  “Guys love tight jeans. Trust me.”

  ~ALICIA

  “Just look away if he looks at you, and make sure you’re smiling. Always look like you’re having fun.”

  ~MASSIE

  “According to Animal Planet, when a male is interested, he drops random scraps at the female’s feet, something to do with the hunting instinct.”

  ~DYLAN

  “The DSL Daters need boys to make them feel special, but we’re better than that. We’re always special.”

  ~MASSIE

  “What’s the point of having a boyfriend if you don’t have girlfriends to talk about him with? It’s like having an iPhone without AT&T. A Prada wallet with no credit cards. Gloss and no lips.”

  ~ALICIA

  “You need your crush to think your lips are naturally reflective. He can never know that your captivating shimmer comes from a tube. Never.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Boys love when bangs rest just on the tips of our eyelashes. It says, ‘Stay by my side. I can’t see with all this hair in my eyes and I may need your help crossing the road.’ And guys love when girls are helpless.”

  ~NINA CALLAS

  “Boys make girls act like LBRs.”

  ~MASSIE

  “If there’s something higher than a ten, it’s a CLAM. Cute, Loyal, Athletic, and Middle-class.”

  ~KRISTEN

  “Guys love it when you blow big bubbles. It reminds them of boobs.”

  ~NINA

  “Never trust a boy in skinny jeans.”

  ~KRISTEN

  “Love and terror feel exactly the same.”

  ~ALICIA

  “Gummies and sours are so much more than food. They are love tokens.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “It’s terrible for your reputation if word gets out that you like a guy who doesn’t like you back. People will stop wanting to be you.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Sometimes the universe urges you to stop crushing on uncrushables,”

  ~DYLAN

  “What is it about friends in love that makes them so annoying?”

  ~MASSIE

  THE CLIQUE ON LOVE

  “Massie’s friendship is something that has to be earned. Not because she’s rich or beautiful or popular but because she’s loyal.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “Missing one of Massie’s get-togethers means spending a sleepless night tossing and turning, wondering if anyone is saying anything about you behind your back. And nothing is worth that kind of torture.”

  ~CLAIRE

  THE CLIQUE ON FRIENDSHIP

  “If friends were houses, I’d be homeless.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “Being friends with Massie does more for my status than the latest Marc Jacobs bag ever could.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “I rarely choose loyalty over gossip.”

  ~ALICIA

  “Why do I always assume I have to be like Massie to be liked by Massie?”

  ~CLAIRE

  “Layne Abeley is so much more than the sum of her outfits. She is a true friend, someone who loves to see her BFFs succeed, not fail.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “Friends are supposed to have my back, not stab it.”

  ~MASSIE

  “When preparing to lip-kiss, put a little Vaseline on a toothbrush and scrub your lips twice a day to keep them supple. Oh, and work on holding your breath. When you’re dealing with the closed-mouth variety, you’ve basically taken an oath not to breathe. If you do, you run the risk of being labeled a dragon, which is just as bad as having a stiff, darting tongue.”

  ~MASSIE

  “I would have to say the most important thing during a kiss is to keep your lips closed. Because once you open your mouth, you’re inviting a French kiss.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “When using tongue, it’s important to keep it relaxed. No guy wants a stiff, pointy tongue poking around the inside of his mouth.”


  ~MASSIE

  “Don’t close your eyes immediately or you may miss your target. Shut them slowly. Imagine they’re being controlled by the dimmer switch in your bedroom.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “The first thing every kissing bandit needs is a great gloss.”

  ~MASSIE

  THE CLIQUE ON KISSING

  “If you need private time to think without looking like an LBR, fake a phone call.”

  ~MASSIE

  THE CLIQUE ON ACTING ALPHA

  “A deal’s a deal. Every alpha knows that.”

  ~SKYE HAMILTON

  “Every famous athlete needs to have a ‘thing,’ or else his fans wouldn’t have anything to copy.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Preception. It’s about making people want what you have, even if what you have is no better than a wrinkled old bag from Whole Foods.”

  ~EFFIE JAMES, IMAGE CONSULTANT TO THE STARS–AND THE PRETTY COMMITTEE

  “Wipe those sweaty palms. Re-gloss. Pull the hair out from behind your ears. And for the love of Gawd, smile.”

  ~MASSIE

  It’s pointless to do anything unless an audience is there to witness it.

  ~MASSIE

  “A shopportunity is a terrible thing to waste.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Ah-dorable accessories have a way of lightening even the darkest of times.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Rule number 1: Never ask for help. Make them think you’re the expert. Rule number 2: Never check price tags. Act like you have endless amounts of cash. Peek at the price in the dressing room. If it’s too expensive, ask for it in a color you know they don’t make. Rule number 3: Once you’re in the dressing room, ask for help. Make them work for you. Rule number 4: When deciding between two sizes, always try the bigger one on first. That way you get to parade through the store in something that’s too big, asking for a smaller size. People will be totally jealous.”

  ~KRISTEN

  “Alphas have three options when it comes to swag: Act like you already have it. (Then buy it.) Act like you could easily get it. (Then buy it.) Act like it sucks and you don’t want it. (Then buy something better.)”

  ~ALICIA

  “Don’t ever tell anyone where you bought something. If you get a compliment say, ‘Thank you. I got it in Europe.’ ”

  ~MASSIE

  THE CLIQUE ON SHOPPING

  “Losing isn’t bad. It’s awful.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Healthy competition is like those magazines that promise flat abs in two weeks. It doesn’t exist.”

  ~MASSIE

  “To be the best, sometimes you have to quiet the voices in your head and do what’s right for you.”

  ~JOSH HOTZ

  “Being on top feels better if you can look down and know you didn’t step on anyone during your climb.”

  ~ANASTASIA BREES

  “Winning at all costs is a very bad investment.”

  ~WILLIAM BLOCK

  THE CLIQUE ON SUCCESS

  THE CLIQUE ON ETIQUETTE

  “Bat your lashes and smile brightly. Your tears will get the hint to come back when you’re alone.”

  ~KRISTEN

  “Public evaluations, competing with friends, and faking confidence are part of life in Westchester.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “Never slam a car door. According to the Westchester elite, it’s a heinous crime, as heartless as kicking a puppy.”

  ~CLAIRE

  “It’s a little tacky to kiss in public, especially in broad daylight.”

  ~MASSIE

  “Gossip rule number one: Never dish in a public bathroom.”

  ~CLAIRE

  HEART CHART

  STATE OF THE UNION

  IN OUT

  Getting crushes Getting crushed

  CLIQUE LIT

  STATE OF THE UNION

  IN OUT

  Musings Ew-sings

  MISS UNDERSTOOD

  By Claire Lyons

  You used to send me e-mails,

  And gummy worms galore;

  I stopped biting my nails

  Because I wasn’t lonely anymore.

  I’d stare into your eyes,

  One green and one blue;

  We’d share a plate of fries

  And I’d dream of kissing you.

  But Cam, you broke my heart like glass,

  And all because of Nina Call-as.

  You acted like we were through,

  And so J. H. I had to choose.

  I never liked him as more than a friend;

  I was hurt because I got dissed.

  Please don’t say that this is the end;

  I won’t be happy till we’ve kissed.

  ◆◆◆

  FOR PRETTY COMMITTEE EYES ONLY

  By Skye Hamilton

  The boy who sleeps atop the key

  Is into the exact same things as me.

  He loves all creatures, big and small,

  So his age doesn’t matter, not at all.

  I try not to think about his

  “Glamour-don’t” style

  By focusing on his kick-butt smile.

  Note to self: I’ve kissed this guy,

  But I’ve kissed them all. How bad am I?

  We already rode off into the sunset together,

  But the next time we do, it will be forever.

  Holla!

  ◆◆◆

  THE NEW PRETTY COMMITTEE PLEDGE

  By Massie Block

  I pledge the following to you:

  To rid my thoughts of boys;

  Done and done they are through.

  I’ll focus on fashion,

  Study new trends in beauty,

  Strengthen my friendships,

  And tighten my booty.

  You won’t find me flirting

  Or talking to guys.

  No texting, IMing,

  No batting my eyes.

  I’m above that now;

  Been there done that.

  Time for the LBRs

  To have their turn at bat.

  Let them wear tight clothes

  And watch boring soccer. (No offense, Kristen!)

  Let them laugh at fart jokes;

  Let them be the stalkers!

  It’s BFF time:

  No boys, not ever.

  Because BFF has a new meaning

  And that’s Boy Fast Forever!

  BEST-FRIENDS-FOREVER-WITH-CRUSHES PLEDGE

  By Massie Block

  We swore off boys for ten whole days,

  But it didn’t work so well.

  We acted like backstabbing clichés—

  EhMaGawd! Boy fast was hell.

  But we forgave one another;

  Now we’re back in the groove.

  Sisters, lock up your brothers,

  Because we’re on the move!

  This time we’ll do it right:

  Our friendships come first.

  PC support, day or night,

  Or that member will be cursed.

  So I hereby decree,

  As my open heart gushes,

  We are now BFFWC,

  Best Friends Forever With Crushes!

  ◆◆◆

  SOCC-HER’S CHEERS

  By Massie Block

  We’re. Socc-Her!

  We’re, we’re. Socc-Her!

  If you’re cold say burrrr.

  If you’re a cat say purrrr.

  Pardonnez-moi, monsieur—

  Je m’appelle socc-her!

  Yayyyy!

  ◆ ◆ ◆

  Dempsey learned soccer in Africa,

  He’s king of the field, raaaa raaa raaa!

  Dempsey learned soccer in Africa,

  He’s king of the field, raaaa raaa raaa!

  Dempsey learned soccer in Africa,

  He’s king of the field, raaaa raaa raaa!

  ◆◆◆

  Adidas, Fila, Nike too:

  What’s a Socc-Her girl to do?
>
  We gotta look hawt for the fellas—

  That’s why we’re all wearing Stellas!

  ◆◆◆

  We don’t know what’s wrong or right,

  All we know is our team’s tight!

  We don’t care what’s out or in,

  Just as long as our guys win!

  If it’s losing that you fear,

  Frankly, we don’t give a cheer!

  Whooooooo!

  QUICK CLIQUE MAKEOVER TIPS

  STATE OF THE UNION

  IN OUT

  Makeovers Fakeovers

  VACATION 101

  STATE OF THE UNION

  IN OUT

  Travel chic Travel geek

  The Clique is prepared to look ah-mazing whenever, wherever. And you will be too if you remember to include a few simple items on your next camping trip.

  THE PRETTY COMMITTEE’S

  Outerwear

  ☑ Cropped bomber jackets with furry hoods

  ☒ Nothing past the knees

  ☑ Wool and cashmere coats (for nights)

  ☑ Matching hat-and-gloves sets only (strictly for warmth)

  ☒ Nothing you would ever wear skiing

  Footwear

  ☑ Moccasins

  ☑ Uggs (knee-high only)

  ☑ Cowboy boots for night

  ☑ Rhinestone-covered Keds (if you dare)

  Tops

  ☑ Sexy V-necks

  ☑ Earth tones only

  ☒ No Juicy Couture sweats (jeans, purses, and tops are okay)

  ☑ C&C tank tops for layering

  ☑ Cute dresses for night

  ☒ No waffle shirts or any other form of long john you might wear skiing

  Bottoms

  ☑ Dark wash jeans

  ☑ Cords (earth tones only)

  ☑ Skirts for night (nothing below the knee)

  ☑ Tights (no black)

  ☒ No long johns

  Sleepwear

  ☑ Camis and boy shorts. End of story.

  Jewelry

  ☑ Diamond studs

  ☑ Gold hoops

  ☑ Rings (all kinds)