Cliquetionary: The Wit and Wisdom of the Clique Read online

  5. Adjective. Something gah-ross or disgusting. E.g., “Ew. It looks like someone barfed jellybeans on that dress,” Todd giggled. Clique Summer Collection: Claire

  F

  Fannish adjective ’fan-ish

  Fake Spanish. E.g., “Alicia, your dad’s real name is Len Rivers, NOT Len Rivera. He’s from Brooklyn, not Barcelona. You’re Fannish, and you’re never going to be from Spain no matter how hard you try.” Revenge of the Wannabes

  FBFFs abbreviation, noun,

  plural ’ef-’bē-’ef-’efs

  Claire’s Florida Best Friends Forever: Sari, Sarah, and Amandy. Update: Due to extreme Miss Kiss cattiness on the part of SAS during the summer before eighth grade, these girls are no longer Claire’s friends. ☺ E.g., Claire wanted to shower before her long-awaited reunion with her FBFFs (Florida BFFs) and style her hair with the cute flips on the bottom, the way Massie taught her. Clique Summer Collection: Claire

  Finger-comb verb

  ’fiη-gər-’kōm

  The use of fingers to tame unsightly flyaways or tangles. An emergency fashion measure taken when no brushes are available. E.g., The Pretty Committee re-glossed and finger-combed while Massie twirled her low side-pony and examined their outfits for embarrassing latte stains and outdated accessories. Sealed with a Diss

  FUggs noun ’fō-’əgs

  Fake Uggs, generally worn by wannabes and LBRs. E.g., Kristen banged on her window. “Black Uggs, no punchbacks,” she said, whacking Dylan. ‘‘Wrong.” Dylan punched Kristen. “Those are FUggs. Fake Uggs,” Revenge of the Wannabes

  G

  GLU abbreviation, noun

  ’jē-’el-’yü

  Girls Like Us, stationed in Massie’s renovated barn-turned-spa. Moniker coveted by all, but reserved for members of the Pretty Committee.

  E.g., “This is GLU headquarters,” Dylan said.

  “What does that mean?” Todd said, poking his head inside to have a look around.

  “It means Girls Like Us,” Massie said, closing the door. “No boys allowed!” Revenge of the Wannabes

  Glossip Girl noun

  ’glo-səp ’gər(-ə)l

  Massie Block’s preferred source for all things lip gloss. Has a club service where members receive a fresh exotic flavor at their doorsteps every morning. Does nawt ship to Canada (obvs. No one does). E.g., There was only so much advice Massie could give, especially when things were so terrible with Derrington. She had gone through two tubes of Glossip Girl in one week, and the flavors had been Raisin Pudding and Hay. The stress was driving her to overapply.

  Invasion of the Boy Snatchers

  Gossip points noun, plural

  ’gä-səp ’po ‘ints

  Points for being in the know. Very desirable, usually—but not always—earned by alphas. E.g., Claire knew she would score double gossip points if she told Dylan about Kristen’s scholarship, triple points if she mentioned Kristen was poor, and quadruple if she revealed Kristen’s real address. The Clique

  H

  HART abbreviation,

  noun ’härt

  A hawt boy with the following desirable traits: Hawt, Alpha, Rich, and Toned. Generally more sought-after than CLAMS. E.g., Massie imagined herself a year from now, standing with Chris and making him sweat and stammer. Like a superhero with special powers, Massie Block would become . . . the Heartless HART-breaker. Sealed with a Diss

  Heart verb ’härt

  A word for those who luh-v using an alternative to love or luh-v. E.g., “We totally heart modeling.” Alicia drew an air heart with her two index fingers. Revenge of the Wannabes

  J

  Jobby noun ’jäb-bē

  A job-hobby. Something you do for fun, nawt money. E.g., If Massie was going to survive the summer, she needed something glamorous. Enviable. Alpha-worthy. Something that earned like a job but looked like a hobby. She needed a jobby. Clique Summer Collection: Massie

  L

  LBR abbreviation,

  noun ’el-’bē-’är

  If you have to look this up, you’re an LBR times ten. Loser. Beyond. Repair. Put an environmentally unfriendly bag over your head—your social life is done, done, and done. E.g., Massie had seen enough Nina pictures over the years to know that the girl was a full-fledged LBR—Loser Beyond Repair. Her clothes were totally Sears. And her hair was overprocessed and underconditioned. She looked like a “before” picture from Extreme Makeover. Invasion of the Boy Snatchers

  Lip kiss noun ’lip’kis

  Seriously? You need this defined? One hint: Do not attempt if you are suffering from beta breath. E.g., If thoughts of making eye contact with Derrington were unbearable, lip kissing was so not an option. Sealed with a Diss

  Lip virgin noun ’lip’vər-jən

  A person who’s never lip-kissed. E.g., Those LBRs are total lip virgins. The only thing they’ve kissed are Massie’s butt. The Pretty Committee Strikes Back

  Luh-v verb ləv

  The cuh-yuter spelling of love. E.g., “Do you love my new haircut or do you luhhhh-v it?” Sealed with a Diss

  M

  MUCK abbreviation,

  noun ’mək

  Massie’s Underground Clinic for Kissing where she waxes poetic on the all best lip- and tongue-kissing strategies, including the dimmer method and tongue drills; $20 membership fee. E.g., “Ehmagawd, you know what MUCK sounds like?” Olivia snickered into her delicate palm.

  “Uh, yeah,” Massie snapped. It should have gone without saying. “Love that name,” Carrie said to Livvy and Alexandra, who were seated on either side of her. “It’s so naughty.” The Pretty Committee Strikes Back

  O

  OCD abbreviation,

  noun ’ō-’sē-’dē

  Octavian Country Day, the private, all-girl middle school that the Pretty Committee attends. At OCD, one of the best schools in the country, excellence isn’t encouraged, it’s expected. It’s been home to thirteen Fortune 500 CEOs, seven gold-medal Olympians, four Pulitzer Prize winners, three Oscar winners, two senators, one secretary of state, and, of course, Massie Block.

  *Note that it was coed for a short period after Briarwood Academy, the boys’ school, collapsed after a mysterious and unfortunate accident involving a wave pool. During that time, OCD became BOCD. E.g., “This is OCD,” Massie told Claire in a monotone voice. She sounded like a tour guide who had given the same spiel at least fifty times earlier that day. “When you get inside you’ll see rows of kiosks that look like ATM machines. Put your student ID card in and your schedule will pop out. The café is to the left along with the gym, the dance studios, the pool, and the spa. On your right are the seventh-grade classrooms and the teachers’ lounge. Meet us here at exactly three twenty-five if you want a ride home. If you’re not here, we’ll assume you decided to walk.” The Clique

  OCDiva noun ’ō-’sē-’dē-və

  What the surf hawttie guys call high-maintenance alphas. Opposite of a compliment. E.g., Dune thought Massie was the ultimate OCDiva, and now he’d think Kristen was girly to the nth degree, too. Clique Summer Collection: Kristen

  Opposite of yes adverb

  ’ä-pə-zət’äv’yes

  No. E.g., “Gawd, don’t any of you want to learn how to play before you join the team?” Kristen asked. “Opposite of yes,” Alicia reached to the floor, picked up her Teen Vogue, and crawled under the feathery purple duvet cover. It’s Not Easy Being Mean

  P

  PMS abbreviation,

  noun ’pē-(,)em-’es

  Presbyterian Middle School, the private, all-girl school Massie went to before OCD. E.g., “Let’s meet before every holiday party to plan our wardrobes. PMS is a uniform school. We are behind other schools when it comes to fashion.” Charmed and Dangerous: The Rise of the Pretty Committee

  Pop-blocking verb

  ’päp-’bläk-iη

  When someone stands in the way of someone else’s popularity. E.g., Massie started keeping a list of suggestions sh
e had made and the reasons Ahnna knocked them down just in case she ever wanted to sue her for “obstruction of popularity,” or “pop-blocking.” Charmed and Dangerous: The Rise of the Pretty Committee

  POTI abbreviation,

  noun ’pä-tē

  Pretty on the Inside, code for “good personality but not so hot on the outside.” E.g., “Did Anastasia really think people with bad style were pretty on the inside? Or was it just her way of selling makeup to the masses?” Clique Summer Collection: Massie

  POTO abbreviation,

  noun ’pä-(‘)tō

  Pretty on the Outside; the state of being overly attractive. Some think this is the only quality that matters; others use it to inspire others to fall in love with them despite their major character flaws. E.g., “When a POTO helps a POTI, it can be life altering.” Clique Summer Collection: Massie

  S

  Sand-me-downs noun

  ’sand-’mē-’daunz

  Inheriting Massie’s old sandals. E.g., Claire loved her gold Michael Kors sand-me-downs. Wearing Massie’s castoffs was like wearing a bulletproof vest that protected her from teasing, dirty looks and Gap jokes. The Pretty Committee Strikes Back / Clique Summer Collection: Claire

  Snapping verb ’snap-iη

  Serious lapse in social savvy; doing something drastically unalpha. E.g., Snapping is getting pierced at Spencer Gifts. Going full-on surfer girl is an identity crisis. And buying a cheap canvas bag at H&M is a major cry for help. Bratfest at Tiffany’s

  Spalpha noun ’späl-fə

  Spanish Alpha. Alicia’s summer goal, achieved through a series of embarrassing, beta events. Spalphas tend to make questionable footwear choices. E.g., It was the opposite of Spalpha to go along with someone else’s revenge plot, but it was hard for Alicia to think like a leader in a bile-colored polyester dress with an embroidered mop above the boob. The Clique Summer Collection: Alicia

  T

  Ten noun ’ten

  Best on the scale of one-to-ten, often used to rate outfits, or ewfits if the ensemble is sub-seven. E.g., Tens are reserved for special occasions only. If you start giving tens on normal days, what are you going to give for parties or proms? The Pretty Committee Strikes Back

  W

  Wannabe adjective, noun ’wä-nə-bē

  Something you never wannabe. Version of LBR, describing those who want to, for example, be like Massie, but who will always just be a cheap knock-off. FYI, wannbes are always out.

  1. Adjective. E.g., Olivia spoke to the scratched rhinestone buttons on her tacky wannabe-antique coat. Revenge of the Wannabes

  2. Noun, E.g., When a gaggle of Paris-wannabes made their way up the steps, the boys tilted their heads, hoping to see up their skirts. There was no way they actually saw anything, but they snicker-punched one another as if they had. Bratfest at Tiffany’s

  CLIQUE BOOK TITLE REJECTS

  STATE OF THE UNION

  IN OUT

  Titles that are the bomb Titles that bomb

  ENDNOTES

  CHAPTER: WHICH CLIQUE GIRL ARE YOU?

  *Member of the Pretty Committee